Whether we are fundamentally happy people or chronically troubled – or somewhere in between the two -- many of us find ourselves feeling that important pieces are missing from our lives, and that there is another level to human experience that we are craving. We define this longing in different ways depending on who we are; we may experience
a wish for a deeper spiritual life
a desire to feel part of a more cohesive community of friends
an urgency have a greater impact on the world
a dream of living a more challenging life
a wish to feel deeply content more of the time
Pursuing fulfillment for these cravings involves dealing with a complex set of challenges, both internal and external. In particular:
1) We struggle to overcome internal obstacles, such as fear and discouragement, that keep us from making needed changes or taking important risks. We face questions such as, “Why can’t I get myself going?” or “Why am I afraid to put myself out there?”
2) We face the challenge of finding practical, applicable solutions to some very thorny problems, both in our personal lives and on a wider scale. We ask ourselves, “What on earth am I going to do about this mess? Where do we go from here?”
3) We seek ways to have more internal serenity, to be able to feel happier and more at peace even as we strive to grow and make things better. We wonder, “How could I start to feel better right now, even if I can’t solve all of the problems in my life and in the world?”
We also may face binds; for example, we may feel too busy to find time to figure out how to make ourselves less busy, or we may feel paralyzed by loneliness in a way that makes it hard reach out to people and break our isolation.
Three critical factors tend to govern whether we feel discouraged and stuck in the face of these challenges, or whether we feel a sense of hopefulness and forward motion despite the difficulties:
1) Whether we feel deeply and solidly loved, supported, and thought about by the people in our lives.
2) Whether we feel part of a common effort.
3) Whether we succeed in finding ways to heal from the painful and constricting effects of the serious emotional injuries that we have accumulated over the course of our lives.
The Co-Counseling Alliance is a system for building structured loving support into our lives, and for steadily expanding our skills at helping each other toward deep emotional healing. Many people find co-counseling to be the most powerful healing approach they have ever been involved with.
The core of co-counseling is the process of “splitting time,” where one person acts as the listener or “counselor” for the first half of the session, while the other person is the speaker or “client,” and then the two participants switch roles for the second half of the session. A typical co-counseling session is two hours in length, so that each participant gets a turn of 50 or 55 minutes, with a few minutes break in between. However, co-counselors also learn powerful ways to use shorter blocks of time, including periods as short as ten minutes (five minutes for each person).
Playing the role of counselor in a co-counseling session involves much more than listening, and therefore the beginning training is extensive, typically involving at three to four months of weekly classes, or three full weekends. The training includes such elements as:
• how to structure and pace a session to increase effectiveness
• how to use an array of techniques to assist each other to experience and express feelings
• how to assist each other to achieve deep laughter, crying, raging, and other innate emotional releases that heal internal distress and promote clarity and confidence
• how to help each other achieve clarity about life goals and take decisive steps toward bringing those desires to fruition
• techniques for rising out of painful issues at the end of a session, so that we are not left overwhelmed and can return to our lives with optimism and energy
• how to take effective leadership in a session when you are the counselor while still ensuring that the client remains the ultimate authority on what should occur
• how to show proper respect for personal boundaries, both physically and emotionally
Alliance co-counselors thus develop a high level of skill and sensitivity and learn how to play both the counseling role and the client role successfully, in order to be able to work deeply and move toward both emotional freedom and powerful action.
A key to the power of the Co-Counseling Alliance is its success at developing ways for participants to increase their access to cathartic, inborn healing releases. Deep, prolonged, visceral releases are among the most transformative experiences available to human beings, and are innate in their functioning. Babies are born with these healing processes already functional; no training is needed for a child to automatically remove the negative effects of painful emotions through laughter, crying, angry storming, trembling, and yawning. Unfortunately, these natural processes remain largely untapped, and in fact are typically interfered with or outright prohibited. Through the specific training offered in Co-Counseling Alliance classes and workshops, participants learn to re-open these innate cathartic channels for themselves and for others.
After the cost of taking the beginning Co-Counseling Alliance training, participating in co-counseling sessions is free for the rest of your life; counseling is exchanged, rather than money.
Besides its high effectiveness and low cost, the Co-Counseling Alliance approach has the additional advantage that all participants are seen as equals, avoiding the sense of hierarchy or power imbalance that some people find bothersome in professional therapeutic relationships.
After completing the beginning training, participants have access to a network of Alliance co-counselors with whom they can share co-counseling sessions in person and by telephone. After trying one or two sessions with a number of different people, co-counselors often settle on one person who is a good fit for them and develop a regular ongoing co-counseling partnership. Trained Co-Counseling Alliance participants also have the option of participating in ongoing support groups, advanced skill trainings, and teacher-certification courses.
If you would like to receive announcements about upcoming opportunities to be trained in Alliance co-counseling, please send an email, including your name, city, and state, to the email address below.
(The Co-Counseling Alliance is not affiliated with any other organization that teaches co-counseling. Our approach to co-counseling is unique, though it contains some basic elements in common with other practices.)
Lundy Bancroft
The Co-Counseling Alliance
CoCounselingAlliance@juno.com
Showing posts with label Lundy Bancroft. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lundy Bancroft. Show all posts
Monday, November 28, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
My First Co-Counseling Session After the Level One Training
by Susan S.
During the co-counseling workshop with Lundy Bancroft, I had the opportunity to schedule a telephone session with one of the participants. When I left the workshop, it was a great feeling to know that we'd be connecting a few days later, and could follow up and help each other. But it was also nerve-wracking to know that now I'd be on my own applying the counseling techniques that we had learned. Would I be able to do it? Would I say the wrong thing? Would I be able to tell her what was bothering me?
I needn't have worried. She patiently listened to my grief over the death of my father, but it was different than any conversation I've ever had with a friend. I wasn't interrupted. I wasn't given advice. I wasn't told to "get over it" or to "let him go." Instead, I was given validation and complete attention. My opinions and feelings mattered, and I was allowed and even encouraged to cry. It was more than I had even hoped for.
We hung up the phone to take a break between sessions, and I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. The sadness wasn't gone, but it was now manageable -- and, more importantly, it was now shared. I wasn't alone. And she wasn't alone.
When I called her back, I let her know how much better I felt and how much I appreciated her for listening without judgment. "I feel better, too," she said. "And I really liked knowing that I'd get a call from you later." And we switched roles and I played counselor while she played the role of client. I listened carefully and also tried to show her that I heard her and understood. By the end of the call, we had each other laughing.
I couldn't be happier about the exchange, and I look forward to our next scheduled call. The experience was far more than a therapy session, and far more supportive than a talk with a friend. Co-counseling is therapy and companionship in one. And, as co-counseling teaches, how can true healing occur without both?
During the co-counseling workshop with Lundy Bancroft, I had the opportunity to schedule a telephone session with one of the participants. When I left the workshop, it was a great feeling to know that we'd be connecting a few days later, and could follow up and help each other. But it was also nerve-wracking to know that now I'd be on my own applying the counseling techniques that we had learned. Would I be able to do it? Would I say the wrong thing? Would I be able to tell her what was bothering me?
I needn't have worried. She patiently listened to my grief over the death of my father, but it was different than any conversation I've ever had with a friend. I wasn't interrupted. I wasn't given advice. I wasn't told to "get over it" or to "let him go." Instead, I was given validation and complete attention. My opinions and feelings mattered, and I was allowed and even encouraged to cry. It was more than I had even hoped for.
We hung up the phone to take a break between sessions, and I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. The sadness wasn't gone, but it was now manageable -- and, more importantly, it was now shared. I wasn't alone. And she wasn't alone.
When I called her back, I let her know how much better I felt and how much I appreciated her for listening without judgment. "I feel better, too," she said. "And I really liked knowing that I'd get a call from you later." And we switched roles and I played counselor while she played the role of client. I listened carefully and also tried to show her that I heard her and understood. By the end of the call, we had each other laughing.
I couldn't be happier about the exchange, and I look forward to our next scheduled call. The experience was far more than a therapy session, and far more supportive than a talk with a friend. Co-counseling is therapy and companionship in one. And, as co-counseling teaches, how can true healing occur without both?
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
The Potential of Co-Counseling
by Susan S.
While attending a weekend workshop recently with Lundy Bancroft to introduce co-counseling techniques, it hit me: These techniques hold power far above the emotional healing and closeness we all need. They have the potential to change every aspect of your life.
How would your relationships with friends change if you looked them in the eye and told them that you appreciated them on a regular basis? If you were not only free to laugh with them, but also to share your troubles? And when they did something that offended or hurt you, knowing how to discuss your point of view with them in a caring way that left everyone free to express their opinion, be heard, and be validated?
How much closer and more fulfilling would your relationship be with your partner or your children if you were able to not only give them the loving acceptance we desperately crave as humans, but also to encourage them to feel their emotions and to laugh and cry as long as they need to without embarrassment or shame?
How much more successful would you be in your career if you were able to learn better listening skills, demonstrate you understand a co-worker's concern, and then present your point of view without being defensive? Would it lead to a promotion, a raise, or a new opportunity?
These were my thoughts as I left the workshop and I began trying to apply the techniques we learned with everyone I encountered. I started out small. At the grocery store, I slowed down and made friendly conversation with a harried clerk and watched as the stress on her face began to melt.
During an important meeting at work, I was faced with a department manager who was adamantly opposed to an upcoming initiative, with a long list of concerns that would stop the proposal in its tracks. I told him, "These are very important concerns you have raised, and they deserve to be discussed and thought about. I'm so glad you brought them up. Let's take a look at each one, and please let me know if you think of any new concerns so we can discuss them, too."
By the end of the meeting, he had changed his mind. For the first time, I successfully convinced a co-worker of my point of view. Without the workshop and learning these skills, this would not have happened.
And an interesting thing began to happen. As I showed others that I understood their concerns, they began to show me more that they understood my concerns and were much more open to what I had to say. Co-counseling helps teach you what people need, what works and what doesn't. At the end of the day, by meeting other people's needs, your needs are met as well.
I am new at this and still have a long way to go to learn and practice these co-counseling skills. But the potential for change is so powerful that I know it will be well worth the initial work to learn the techniques and to find someone to split time with in my area.
While attending a weekend workshop recently with Lundy Bancroft to introduce co-counseling techniques, it hit me: These techniques hold power far above the emotional healing and closeness we all need. They have the potential to change every aspect of your life.
How would your relationships with friends change if you looked them in the eye and told them that you appreciated them on a regular basis? If you were not only free to laugh with them, but also to share your troubles? And when they did something that offended or hurt you, knowing how to discuss your point of view with them in a caring way that left everyone free to express their opinion, be heard, and be validated?
How much closer and more fulfilling would your relationship be with your partner or your children if you were able to not only give them the loving acceptance we desperately crave as humans, but also to encourage them to feel their emotions and to laugh and cry as long as they need to without embarrassment or shame?
How much more successful would you be in your career if you were able to learn better listening skills, demonstrate you understand a co-worker's concern, and then present your point of view without being defensive? Would it lead to a promotion, a raise, or a new opportunity?
These were my thoughts as I left the workshop and I began trying to apply the techniques we learned with everyone I encountered. I started out small. At the grocery store, I slowed down and made friendly conversation with a harried clerk and watched as the stress on her face began to melt.
During an important meeting at work, I was faced with a department manager who was adamantly opposed to an upcoming initiative, with a long list of concerns that would stop the proposal in its tracks. I told him, "These are very important concerns you have raised, and they deserve to be discussed and thought about. I'm so glad you brought them up. Let's take a look at each one, and please let me know if you think of any new concerns so we can discuss them, too."
By the end of the meeting, he had changed his mind. For the first time, I successfully convinced a co-worker of my point of view. Without the workshop and learning these skills, this would not have happened.
And an interesting thing began to happen. As I showed others that I understood their concerns, they began to show me more that they understood my concerns and were much more open to what I had to say. Co-counseling helps teach you what people need, what works and what doesn't. At the end of the day, by meeting other people's needs, your needs are met as well.
I am new at this and still have a long way to go to learn and practice these co-counseling skills. But the potential for change is so powerful that I know it will be well worth the initial work to learn the techniques and to find someone to split time with in my area.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
What Is Co-Counseling?
Whether we are fundamentally happy people or chronically troubled – or somewhere in between -- many of us find ourselves feeling that some important pieces are missing from our lives, and that there is another level to human experience that we are craving. We define this longing in different ways depending on who we are; we may experience a wish for a deeper spiritual life, or a desire to feel part of a more cohesive community of friends, or an urgency have a greater impact on the world, or a dream of living a life of challenge and adventure that currently seems lacking.
Pursuing fulfillment for these cravings involves dealing with a complex set of challenges, both internal and external. In particular:
1) We struggle to overcome internal obstacles, such as fear and discouragement, that keep us from making needed changes or taking important risks. We face questions such as, “Why can’t I get myself going?” or “Why am I afraid to put myself out there?”
2) We face the challenge of finding practical, applicable solutions to some very thorny problems, both in our personal lives and on a wider scale. We ask ourselves, “What on earth are we going to do about this mess? Where do we go from here?”
3) We seek ways to have more internal serenity, to be able to feel happier and more at peace even as we strive to grow and make things better. We wonder, “How could I start to feel better right now, even if I can’t solve all of the problems in my life and in the world?”
We also may face binds; for example, we may feel too busy to find time to figure out how to make ourselves less busy, or we may feel paralyzed by loneliness in a way that makes it hard reach out to people and break our isolation.
Three critical factors tend to govern whether we feel discouraged and stuck in the face of these challenges, or whether we feel a sense of hopefulness and forward motion despite the difficulties:
1) Whether we feel deeply and solidly loved, supported, and thought about by the people in our lives.
2) Whether we feel part of a common effort.
3) Whether we succeed in finding ways to heal from the painful and constricting effects of the serious emotional injuries that we have accumulated over the course of our lives.
Co-Counseling is a system for building structured loving support into our lives, and for steadily expanding our skills at helping each other toward deep emotional healing. Many people find co-counseling to be the most powerful healing approach they have ever been involved with.
The core of co-counseling is the process of “splitting time,” where one person acts as the listener or “counselor” for the first half of the session, while the other person is the speaker or “client,” and then the two participants switch roles for the second half of the session. A typical co-counseling session is two hours in length, so that each participant gets a turn of 50 or 55 minutes, with a few minutes break in between. However, co-counselors also learn powerful ways to use shorter blocks of time, including periods as short as ten minutes (five minutes for each person).
Playing the role of counselor in a co-counseling session involves much more than listening, and therefore the beginning training is extensive, typically involving at three to four months of weekly classes, or three full weekends. The training includes such elements as:
• how to structure and pace a session to increase effectiveness
• how to use an array of techniques to assist each other to experience and express feelings
• how to assist each other to achieve deep laughter, crying, raging, and other innate emotional releases that heal internal distress and promote clarity and confidence
• how to help each other achieve clarity about life goals and take decisive steps toward bringing those desires to fruition
• techniques for rising out of painful issues at the end of a session, so that we are not left overwhelmed and can return to our lives with optimism and energy
• how to take effective leadership in a session when you are the counselor while still ensuring that the client remains the ultimate authority on what should occur
• how to show proper respect for personal boundaries, both physically and emotionally
Co-counselors thus develop a high level of skill and sensitivity and learn how to play both the counseling role and the client role successfully, in order to be able to work deeply and move toward both emotional freedom and powerful action.
A key to the power of the co-counseling approach is its success at developing ways for participants to increase their access to cathartic, inborn healing releases. Deep, prolonged, visceral releases are among the most transformative experiences available to human beings, and are innate in their functioning. Babies are born with these healing processes already functional; no training is needed for a child to automatically remove the negative effects of painful emotions through laughter, crying, angry storming, trembling, and yawning. Unfortunately, these natural processes remain largely untapped, and in fact are typically interfered with or outright prohibited. Through the specific training offered in co-counseling classes and workshops, participants learn to re-open these innate cathartic channels for themselves and for others.
After the cost of taking beginning training, participating in co-counseling sessions is free for the rest of your life; counseling is exchanged, rather than money.
Besides its high effectiveness and low cost, co-counseling has the additional advantage that all participants are seen as equals, avoiding the sense of hierarchy or power imbalance that some people find bothersome in professional therapeutic relationships.
After completing the beginning training, participants have access to a network of co-counselors with whom they can share co-counseling sessions in person and by telephone. After trying one or two sessions with a number of different people, co-counselors often settle on one person who is a good fit for them and develop a regular ongoing co-counseling partnership. Trained co-counselors also have the option of participating in ongoing support groups, advanced skill trainings, and teacher-certification courses. We find that our individual healing is greatly accelerated by feeling part of this larger, supportive healing network.
If you would like to receive announcements about upcoming opportunities to be trained in co-counseling, please send an email, including your name, city, and state, to the Co-Counseling Alliance at the email address below.
We would also love to hear from you if you are already an experienced co-counselor and are looking to find co-counselors to have sessions with in your area.
The Co-Counseling Alliance
email: CoCounselingAlliance@juno.com
Pursuing fulfillment for these cravings involves dealing with a complex set of challenges, both internal and external. In particular:
1) We struggle to overcome internal obstacles, such as fear and discouragement, that keep us from making needed changes or taking important risks. We face questions such as, “Why can’t I get myself going?” or “Why am I afraid to put myself out there?”
2) We face the challenge of finding practical, applicable solutions to some very thorny problems, both in our personal lives and on a wider scale. We ask ourselves, “What on earth are we going to do about this mess? Where do we go from here?”
3) We seek ways to have more internal serenity, to be able to feel happier and more at peace even as we strive to grow and make things better. We wonder, “How could I start to feel better right now, even if I can’t solve all of the problems in my life and in the world?”
We also may face binds; for example, we may feel too busy to find time to figure out how to make ourselves less busy, or we may feel paralyzed by loneliness in a way that makes it hard reach out to people and break our isolation.
Three critical factors tend to govern whether we feel discouraged and stuck in the face of these challenges, or whether we feel a sense of hopefulness and forward motion despite the difficulties:
1) Whether we feel deeply and solidly loved, supported, and thought about by the people in our lives.
2) Whether we feel part of a common effort.
3) Whether we succeed in finding ways to heal from the painful and constricting effects of the serious emotional injuries that we have accumulated over the course of our lives.
Co-Counseling is a system for building structured loving support into our lives, and for steadily expanding our skills at helping each other toward deep emotional healing. Many people find co-counseling to be the most powerful healing approach they have ever been involved with.
The core of co-counseling is the process of “splitting time,” where one person acts as the listener or “counselor” for the first half of the session, while the other person is the speaker or “client,” and then the two participants switch roles for the second half of the session. A typical co-counseling session is two hours in length, so that each participant gets a turn of 50 or 55 minutes, with a few minutes break in between. However, co-counselors also learn powerful ways to use shorter blocks of time, including periods as short as ten minutes (five minutes for each person).
Playing the role of counselor in a co-counseling session involves much more than listening, and therefore the beginning training is extensive, typically involving at three to four months of weekly classes, or three full weekends. The training includes such elements as:
• how to structure and pace a session to increase effectiveness
• how to use an array of techniques to assist each other to experience and express feelings
• how to assist each other to achieve deep laughter, crying, raging, and other innate emotional releases that heal internal distress and promote clarity and confidence
• how to help each other achieve clarity about life goals and take decisive steps toward bringing those desires to fruition
• techniques for rising out of painful issues at the end of a session, so that we are not left overwhelmed and can return to our lives with optimism and energy
• how to take effective leadership in a session when you are the counselor while still ensuring that the client remains the ultimate authority on what should occur
• how to show proper respect for personal boundaries, both physically and emotionally
Co-counselors thus develop a high level of skill and sensitivity and learn how to play both the counseling role and the client role successfully, in order to be able to work deeply and move toward both emotional freedom and powerful action.
A key to the power of the co-counseling approach is its success at developing ways for participants to increase their access to cathartic, inborn healing releases. Deep, prolonged, visceral releases are among the most transformative experiences available to human beings, and are innate in their functioning. Babies are born with these healing processes already functional; no training is needed for a child to automatically remove the negative effects of painful emotions through laughter, crying, angry storming, trembling, and yawning. Unfortunately, these natural processes remain largely untapped, and in fact are typically interfered with or outright prohibited. Through the specific training offered in co-counseling classes and workshops, participants learn to re-open these innate cathartic channels for themselves and for others.
After the cost of taking beginning training, participating in co-counseling sessions is free for the rest of your life; counseling is exchanged, rather than money.
Besides its high effectiveness and low cost, co-counseling has the additional advantage that all participants are seen as equals, avoiding the sense of hierarchy or power imbalance that some people find bothersome in professional therapeutic relationships.
After completing the beginning training, participants have access to a network of co-counselors with whom they can share co-counseling sessions in person and by telephone. After trying one or two sessions with a number of different people, co-counselors often settle on one person who is a good fit for them and develop a regular ongoing co-counseling partnership. Trained co-counselors also have the option of participating in ongoing support groups, advanced skill trainings, and teacher-certification courses. We find that our individual healing is greatly accelerated by feeling part of this larger, supportive healing network.
If you would like to receive announcements about upcoming opportunities to be trained in co-counseling, please send an email, including your name, city, and state, to the Co-Counseling Alliance at the email address below.
We would also love to hear from you if you are already an experienced co-counselor and are looking to find co-counselors to have sessions with in your area.
The Co-Counseling Alliance
email: CoCounselingAlliance@juno.com
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